F*ck Poets

I first posted this blog as a guest blog in October on Luvvie's Random Rants (Hey e-sis!) I wanted to share it with my readership as well.... here goes:


So check it, I am a poet/spoken word artist. I actually love the scene and have met some wonderful creative folks that are like family to me….. BUT, I have met some that are a tad bit annoying as well. I will break down folks down real quick for ya followed by a poem just for them! (I’m charitable and sh*t)

"Roses are red, There's a Conspiracy against the blue..."

· The Everything is Deep Cats: These artists will make everything deep, I am not talking about the conspiracy theorists/pseudo revolutionaries (I’ll get to them later). I am talking about the ones who get on stage and yammer on for 15 minutes about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Boo, boo, boo yo’ ass.

· The Pseudo Intellectuals: These are the artists that frown down on anyone that does not speak the King’s English at all times and use “big-words”, even though their grasp of the English language is quite suspect on some Jesse Jackson type of word creation. I want to give them the CeCe Penniston “Keep on Walking” deuces.

· PT Venues: This is an acronym coined by a poet friend of mine, meaning “Poet Time”. It is kind of like CP Time but infinitely worse. Nuff said.

· Judgemental Artists: Ain’t that a borderline oxymoron for ya. It amazes me how someone can be so “enlightened” and “free-spirited” but have the nerve to be close-minded and bigoted. But every poem they perform is about brotherhood and togetherness, blah, blah, blah. Hypocrites make me gag.

· Conspiracy “Theorists” – I put theorist in quotes because a theory is: ‘A coherent statement or set of statements that attempts to explain observed phenomena.’. And these “theorists” are not coherent by any means. I want to break this to them: Everything is not a grand scheme by the Man intended to hold Black folks down. That is a PSA, but of course they will “theorize” that I am a part of the oppressor’s master plan. Can’t win with them.

Here is my ode to the aforementioned:

F*ck Poets

F*ck poets!
...and not the way they would like me to
even though if I did, they'd pen a rhyme that is a metaphor for life about my g-spot
put my business in the street with perfect meter and rhyme scheme
never can let something just be..... what it is
find deep meaning in mash potatoes and gravy,
with whom conspiracy theory is the school of thought at all times
and if you don't concur, then step.
yeah, F*ck poets.

F*ck poets!
...and not the way they’d like me to
even though if I did, they'd frown on my screams and moans
not profound enough, oh shit can't describe what they are putting down
they would rather hear me say: passionate pulsation producing perspiration, plotting for your precious prize,
it's so good is not good enough
uh huh, F*ck poets

F*ck poets!
...and not the way that they'd like me to
even though they'd miss out anyway
they 're on poet time and the show will never start on schedule
tardy is their preferred time of day
where 10 minutes late is on time, and early is a 1 hour delay
and you'll never get your name on my open mic or (legs) list.
that's right I said it, F*ck poets

F*ck poets….
And not the way that they’d like me to
Even though if I did they would prematurely ejaculate their opinion on …ummmm… well, everything
Stroke their own egos and agendas.
Making it rain all over my belief parade before my float makes it one block
And force me to shout “Judge Deez.!”
Yup. F*ck poets.

F*ck poets!
And not the what that they’d like me to
Even though if I did they’d swear it was so good that it has to be a conspiracy
That my womanly parts are a set up by the man
Put in Black America to distract and lead revolutionaries astray
Well, I can kinda see that one.
I digress, but still, F*ck poets!

-Naturally Alise, 2008