Forgiveness....

I have been doing some self discovery as of late, maybe because 30 is slowly creeping or maybe because I am crazy. Probably a combination of the two. One of the things I discovered about myself is that I am a grudge-holder. Yet, I don't mean grudges against other people. I hold grudges against myself, or should I say my former self. I have thought and done some things in my life that I can not forgive myself for. I know that I am different now with higher expectations for myself, but still I can't forgive. I have forgiven all the people who have hurt me emotionally and physically though the years, but not me. People always teach you to forgive others, but how do you forgive yourself?

My People: Thank You!

In this holiday season, I am thankful for the people in my life. Thankful for my family (even the trifling ones), happy for old friends (Hey Tiha, Renee, and Curly!), new friends (PBG & Luvvie, and many more), my honey, and all those in between. I am thankful for the laughs and hugs that have gotten me through the HARDEST year of my life, a year when I almost lost this life. Thank you all.

Common - The People
by commonofficial

Sugary Ho-sh*t

Since ho-sh*t and Erykah Badu have been a running theme as of late, I'll keep the party going with a lovely live Erykah performance of "Honey" and a haiku entitled "Can't Wait Til' You Get Back to NC" (The title is longer than the damn haiku, but I dont'care, dis here my juke joint blog.)



missing my honey
has me thinking of ho-sh*t
and it isn't sweet

And Nikki says...

What is love? People try to define it, or doubt or ridicule whether others are really "in it". Well, Nikki (that's what I call her, we have an imaginary friendship in my head, don't judge me...) described love, what is love to you?

Love Is

Some people forget that love is
tucking you in and kissing you
"Good night"
no matter how young or old you are

Some people don't remember that
love is
listening and laughing and asking
questions
no matter what your age


Few recognize that love is
commitment, responsibility
no fun at all
unless


Love is
You and me


-Nikki Giovanni

Ho-Sh*t

The following poem used to get so much crowd love at open mics. And after a super extra special IM convo with my e-sistas Luvvie, Overit, and PBG last night about various types of "ho-sh*t", I thought it was inappropriate.... (By the way I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in my life talking to those fooltastic negresses) Here ya go:


"Committed……."

You probably think I ought be committed for not wanting commitment;

Commitment to a partner

Commitment to an objective

Even commitment to this poem…

* sigh *

I heard love was blind, but I realized my love had double vision

Plagued with astigmatism and indecision…

No depth perception,

Things were closer than they appeared,

And I backed up into conflict before I knew it…

Making innocent victims think they had fallen head over heels

But in reality I just knocked them over on their heads……

Falling crazy in love but they were really schizophrenic in lust,

Buying delusions of trust,

But is it my fault my love has multiple personalities?

And frequent casualties,

Not that I take love casually,

But my free spirit doesn’t move cautiously…..

Is it wrong that sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I feel like 3 or 4?

Sometimes my soul just wants a mate for the night,

Oh but that makes me a whore, right???

NO, on the contrary,

it means I don’t subscribe to this psychosis called monogamy,

Because love is not one dimensional,

And I refuse to try to make it tangible,

Just enjoy what it brings, that is my commitment………

It's a Different World!

"We don't wear hair weaves, we know how to dress........."


To piggyback today's Cubicle Crusaders blog about HBCU's (check it out), I had to put up my favorite "A Different World" episode ever. Skip to 1:15......



Have a lovely day!

Love rain....

I have the "Love Rain" by Jill Scott playing on the music player as you enter the blog, this is the version with Mos Def on it reciting a poem that I think is something kinda awesome.... here it goes:

I stretched my arms towards the sky like blades of tall grass
The sun beat between my shoulders like carnival drums
I sat still in hopes that it would help my wings grow
So then I could really be fly
And then she arrived
Like day break inside a railway tunnel
Like the new moon, like a diamond in the mines
Like high noon to a drunkard, sudden
She made my heart beat in a now-now time signature
Her skinny canvas for ultraviolet brushstrokes
She was the sun's painting
She was a deep cognac color
Her eyes sparkled like lights along the new city
She lips pursed as if her breath was too sweet
And full for her mouth to hold
I said, "You are the beautiful, distress of mathematics."
I said, "For you, I would peel open the clouds like new fruit
And give you lightning and thunder as a dowry
I would make the sky shed all of it's stars like rain
And I would clasp the constellations across your waist
And I would make the heavens your cape
And they would be pleased to cover you
They would be pleased to cover you
May I please, cover you, please"

Gravity.....

This was originally posted August 28, 2007, I wonder what in the world I was going through that day. Your guess is as good as mine!

8/28/07:

Just got a lot on my mind right now...... so I am having random bursts of angry and irritated creativity..... *sigh*

I just can't appreciate the gravity of your problems...
Gravity is about the only thing that should hold you down.
Gratification of the instant variety.....
Is about as satisyfying as grits by the same name.
......Not a great breakfast,
When will you understand there are no fast breaks in life,
Instead you will break real fast....

Pitiful Pictorial of Pain

*Laptop dead (along with a piece of my soul)... le sigh...

*Lonely and missing a certain person more than I thought I would, le sigh...

*Exhausted but cannot sleep, sleeping alone sucks... le sigh...


*Silver lining: Pain/sadness/frustration brings a lot of inspiration for writing and I am taking advantage...

no words.

i am sad.
that is all i can say.
sometimes even poets are at a loss for words.



*Sade, "King of Sorrow"*

Food for thought....

^^^^This video makes me happy^^^^

Please enjoy the poem I penned as well:

Food For Thought...

So you want to know what I can bring to the table
But can your TV tray hold this food for thought?
Because you need to know:
Every word I speak is nourishment…
No empty calories..
No fillers…
No artificial preservatives…
Just organic truth…
You are what you eat…
And I would feed you a helping of insight…
Some complex verbal-hydrates…
To give you the energy to burn off that excess negativity.
And I do give to the needy…
But only the ones that hungry enough to receive it.
My cup runs over with compassion,
But I will offer no pity birthday party cake…..
I don't fill your heart with greasy, grimy thoughtless ramblings…
I take the time to wash what I say…
Let my thoughts cook fully..
And offer you up a gourmet conversation…. Let you digest every course.
I start with some soup to warm your soul…
Then let you savor the meaty knowledge I have to offer.
A little wine and cheese to mellow out your mood,
And a something a little sweet to inspire and lift your spirits…
But of course everything in moderation….
I won't overfeed you with superfluous chatter,
Or stuff you with nonsensical ranting.
In fact I'll give just enough words to fill you up….
Leave a good taste in your mouth,
And you will eagerly anticipate the next meal…
So are you ready to taste my world?

Robots in disguise....

My attitude has been transformed
You see now I am am a realist...
I used to the be the prime example of an optimist
But all of the deception and con artists have left me bitter
So before you call me a pessimist know that there is more to it than meets the eye.....

-Naturally Alise and the Transformers, lol

You Are a Realist

You don't see the glass as half empty or half full. You see what's exactly in the glass. You never try to make a bad situation seem better than it is... But you also never sabotage any good things you have going on. You are brutally honest in your assessments of situations - and this always seems to help you cope.

Are You An Optimist or Pessimist?

Feelin like a purple Smurf

(skip to 2:50 of the video)


Vigilante....

They say revenge is a dish best served cold,

but mine was blazing hot.....

Yeah I was hot!

Hot with:

Anger,

contempt,

frustration!

And I felt bad,

But not how you think:

I felt bad that I didn't feel bad about it!

This time 2 wrongs made it right..... to my ego anyway.

My feelings were impatient

I had no time to wait for karma...... I got places to go.....

I am tired of good people getting hurt,

So I took the law into my own hands.

Just call me an emotional vigilante....




Smurfs- the purple smurfs
by cartoon_playhouse

Shouts to VSB: Hardest.Question.Ever.

Hardest.Question.Ever. - visit Very Smart Brothas where they are talking about favorite love songs....

my answer:

Rain dancing....

When I had been whacked with the woe of wicked writer’s block I got rid of it by writing about it, it seems counter-intuitive, but it worked. Stranger things have happened… enjoy:


Writer’s Block Haiku

(1)
Drought stealing my reign...
Are brainstorms in my forecast?
How about monsoons?

(2)
I have writer's block
It challenged me to dig deep
Pen becomes shovel


(3)
I'm digging, I swear
But dry ground is hard to break
Time for sledgehammers

i wish....

....i was there (NYC) right now.

Nappy thoughts

balance.

Just a thought I had ... not so much a poem, just random thoughts as I evaluated relationships ,blah blah blah..... oh yeah and it is real late at night and I cant sleep...the usual....

The Balancing Act....

insomnia

insomnia is back with a vengeance. grrrrrrrrrr, i can't take this shit...

"Ode to the Judged"

originally posted 2/12/07
This is something I wrote in response to My buddy Tiha's rant about people judging you before you can get 5 damn words out your mouth, so this is for you miss lady and for all those other folks feeling the same way, because I know I damn sure can relate.... ENJOY.....

"Ode to the Judged"

I am tired of your broad generalizations,
Because you are generalizing about a broad you have no idea about.
Your blanket statements regarding me don't keep me warm,
in fact they got me cold,
but don't call me an ice queen,
unless you are referring to how my brilliance is like diamonds.
Don't make opinions about my stand,
unless you sit and listen.
Not hear me, but listen
I will lay out my platform for you,
but only if you hop off that pedastal,
Return the favor,
What I have to say may not be in your favor,
But shit happens, even my favorite people don't agree
Only difference is it is constructive criticism,
Instead of destructive division of squabbling over differences,
Those things that differ add a little color to life,
Realize everything ain't black or white,
it's the gray that keeps it interesting.
So examine my subtle shades and hues,
Before you lump me in with all those other primary colors...

devilish.

«Mes chers frères, n'oubliez jamais, quand vous entendrez vanter le progrès des lumières, que la plus belle des ruses du diable est de vous persuader qu'il n'existe pas!» -Baudelaire

translation:

"My dear brothers, never forget, when you hear the progress of enlightenment vaunted, that the devil's best trick is to persuade you that he doesn't exist!"

halloween.... good times, kinda. let's just say it was an interesting evening, i'll tell you guys the story when i get over it, but until then enjoy these pics...

* a voodoo priestess, fidel castro, and the devil walk into a bar....

*speak of the devil and she will appear..... (lookin' for me? HERE I GO (c) mystikal)

* a backshot, classy!

*bff's fo sho...