I was really looking forward to this week, but for me personally it is has been a painful week. I tend to find my life works this way. Just when I think things are lining up in my favor: something, someone, or some force will collectively come and bulldoze it. It never ceases to amaze me that everytime I have an extreme high, joyous, fulfilling experience that destruction is not far behind it, and I don't mean months or years later, I am talking the next day. I know I am supposed to be optimistic and faithful, I know all of this. But can someone convey that message to my spirit. Good luck, because it is impossible to fill up a broken vessel...
I know I usually don't get this deep or personal about my life except directly through poetry.... but it ain't about what I usually do anymore,
it's not about people's perceptions of me anymore,
it's not about always hiding my feelings to protect others anymore,
it's not about withholding tears anymore,
it's not about thinking my opinion is less important anymore,
it's not about defining my worth through other people's eyes anymore,
it's not about me tap dancing for people and pretending to like them because they are in my "circle" anymore,
it is about me, and if that leaves me lonely and alone.
then so be it.
parades
are no fun
in the rain.
on the backs
of pink elephants.
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